Shall not Fear no Man but God, though I walk through the Valley of Death

Trouble- Difficulty or problems…

This blog is going to hurt me. Please God, walk with me… LeeGo…

Trouble has always found me. Or, is it the other way around? Anyhow, I was young when I started using drugs and alcohol. I could remember being 5-6 years of age picking up my first joint. Did I get high? I don’t know, or remember the feeling or the effects it had on me. What I do remember is being at my Aunty’s house. Typical gangster party in the early 90’s.

Newcleus- Jam On It was playing in the background. The house was cloudy from the weed smoke. Aqua Net hairspray cans laid in the bedroom on the floor. Empty Budweiser cans filled up the kitchen sink. The bathroom stunk of vomit. Young men in their twenties walked around with tattoos of women inked on their forearm or chest (Mi ¡Ruca!). Thats how most of my weekends were spent in my elementary years, when I stayed a night at my aunts house.

At home it wasn’t that much different. Minus the gangs. My older brother (5 years older than me) always had friends over and it seemed the parties never stopped.

Fortunely, I never joined a gang. But, most of me friends were in gangs. However, I still found trouble though. In and out of Juvenile Hall,  Scared Straight programs and even Jail.

Fighting, robbing and selling drugs was an everyday thing growing up (being stupid). Your skin gets tuff were you’re hooking up your dad with a sack of crystal meth. Being shot at because you’re getting a better deal on drugs (taking over other peoples business).

I was crying for help. Telling my mom I’m selling drugs and I feel like a monster. Her words… “So, you’re making good money huh? Because we need help paying a bill or getting groceries.” Wow! Who do I turn too? Turn myself in and go to jail? Yeah, no, I wasn’t made for a life in jail. My friends? No, they only wanted one thing from me, Drugs. Watching your friends you grew up with struggle with their addiction still till this day bugs the shit out of me. Stealing from their own parents to get their next fix killed me inside.

So, I did something no one ever expected of me. I signed up for college. It wasn’t till I was in my mid- twenties that I developed a love for school.. Writing. Though, my writing my be crap, I will never stop writing or stop trying to get my story out.

I was clean and drug free for the first time, since I was like fifteen. I still went out and drank and partied, but I stayed away from the drugs.

Some years later, I met my wife. She’s so damn beautiful! Although, we both grew up without our parents being actively in our lives, we wanted and have the same goals. To have a family! Crazy how opposites attract (Damn, Isaac Newton). My wife is so smart. She’s three years older than me, but feels like ten years older than me (haha she would laugh at me… Probably punch me in my gut for writing this haha). She has already graduated with two degrees. Knows four different languages. Traveled the world. And is currently working on her masters. How and why she is attracted to me is beyond me. Yea, I’m handsome but our personalities are completely different. But, like I said earlier, we want the same things in life… A family!
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I will do everything in my will and power to give that to her and keep that with her. Four years later (I still haven’t finished college) we have two kids. We will be celebrating our four year anniversary later this month. I’m in the market for a Ring. Though we feel like we are already a married couple, I want to be married to her. ( I’m getting teary eyed) She’ll never know how many ways she has saved me from myself (My biggest enemy).

“Nothing’s perfect, but its the imperfections that make someone perfect for them or… YOU!” (Me)

This blog wasn’t suppose to be about me bragging (glorifying) my old life. Its for anyone who my be in the same situations I was in. Things can CHANGE FOR THE BETTER. Keep working hard for the things in life that you want… Anything and everything can be yours.
“You’re never too old to invest in yourself” ( My Wife).

To my Wife… BABY, I LOVE YOU AND THE KIDS.
A kiss is just a kiss until you find the one you love.
A hug is just a hug until you find the one you’re think of.
A dream is just a dream until it comes true.
LOVE WAS JUST A WORD UNTIL THE DAY I MET YOU” (unknown”)

Thank you for reading
Fabian.

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